i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
