She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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