What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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