His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had sex on a roof
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
