Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
