not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
