I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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