The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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