i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
