I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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