youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
