thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
