Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
