I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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