you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
