Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
