I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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