I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
