id be glad to
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
