I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
