I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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