after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
