After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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