I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
