She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
