What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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