Barsexuality is the new black.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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