that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
