i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
