I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
