I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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