My brain says no but my pants say off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
