Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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