I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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