shes about as inviting as chlamydia
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
