You work out of a Hotel?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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