True but thats because hes a fetus.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
