I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
