im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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