I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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