There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
