Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
