just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
