If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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