Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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