Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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