I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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