You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
