Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
