my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
