I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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