i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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