You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
