I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
