OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
