WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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