Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
