I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
