I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
as a side note pls kill me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
false alarm, still single
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
