Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
