Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
