the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
