Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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