Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we made out on top of his cat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
