I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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