How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The power of my boobs compel you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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