I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My feet surprised me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
